Looking on the bright side

 If we have a choice of where we can look, why not look on the bright side?

This question was pressed to my hear today as I was reckoning with some current stressors. It was a stout reminder than yes, we do have a choice, and it is not always readily available but it is there once you make it through the muck and mire. 

Looking on the bright side isn't about denying the dark side, on the contrary actually. Looking on the bright side is a simple reminder that in whatever we are going through, lets for the sake of conversation say it is "bad", within that, "good" also exists and sometimes we can get a taste of it which helps rebalance the scales. The goal is to not always look on the bright side, rather, look at both sides honestly and with courage. When we can sit in the darkness of our thoughts and critically but lovingly analyze, we slowly start to gain perspective and see what good is available on the other side. After this reckoning, we come back to neutrality.

This statement makes one thing clear to me and it poses a follow up question once we choose to look on the bright side which is, "what good is to come from this?" Asking such a question immediately makes perspective inevitable which is obviously valuable in helping us move forward, correct our intellect, and act in a different more generally good way. Depending on the situation, asking "what good is to come from this", may seem ridiculous or hard to even imagine such as loosing a loved one...nothing good really comes from that, at least initially. For some, after loosing a loved one, they use that for good and start changing their own lifestyle behaviors or being kinder to the natural world, all these outcomes are possible and occur all the time! This all simply is a matter of cultivating the ability to live in the darkness and light at the same time.

Wherever you are, whatever you are feeling, keep going, stay courageous and persistent through the process of deepening your understanding of what is and what good can come from it.

No one can do you better than you

 From the moment we are born, we are told what to do, how to behave, how to think, what to think, what to feel, how to feel or not feel, and copious amounts of other behaviors. How much of this is really you? What if you unlearned everything you learned, what would be left? Hard to imagine, right?

Imagine it like this, from the moment you were born, it was just you and the natural world and you grew up with no one to talk to, no one that could influence you. Who would you be? You see, so much of what we are has been constructed and what is constructed can also be deconstructed.

Throughout life, we will try to mimic the personality of our surroundings. Generally speaking, if a household for instance is joyful then it is safe to say that those in it will more than likely be a joyful person compared to someone in a household of abuse for example. This isn’t to say that the opposite isn’t true because it is. Throughout history there have been incredible accounts of people being in the most tumultuous situations and still somehow making the best of it.

What I am getting at here is that there is only one of you, only one of your stories, and it is by and large a miracle you are even here! 3 trillion to 1 are the odds of having a life…YOU ARE A MIRACLE and one that is so unique. Along the way, this uniqueness gets shut down, we are forced to walk a certain line in society, be and act certain ways, and all this takes away the purity of our spirits and we end up being a way we don’t like or taking jobs that we hate.

No matter what, there is only one of you and yes, we are bound to this world and its rules and regulations. We are also boundless beings who can transcend our experiences of these perceived bondages. 

No one can do you better than you. Stop trying to be someone you aren’t. Give yourself the space and grace to reveal who you are. Quit trying to force yourself into a circle when you are a square. Spend time to get to know you! There is only one of you and only this life. Lets get to know ourselves better so we can continue to authentically and radically show up for all those in this life.

Mudita (finding joy in others joy)

There is a Buddhist principle called, Mudita that has profoundly changed my life and I feel it can impact yours in a similar way. Mudita is accessible to us all, only if we are open to it, open in ourselves, and willing to absorb and be moved by the magnificence of life unfolding itself in every single moment, every single way imaginable.

Mudita is defined differently and in its essence, Mudita defined by other articles is "taking joy in the joy of others" or "feeling joy in the good fortune of others". Simply put, by way of observing the natural world with a righteously open and radiant heart, seeing the others experience of joy will in turn fill us up with joy.

Here is an easy example, especially for my parents out there (animal parents, this applies to you too)...

Have you ever been in a moment with your kids or animals where you are simply soaking in what they are doing? That sort of experience where you are fully immersed into watching them do whatever they are doing? And in that moment what you are watching is them experiencing joy, be it rolling around all cute making silly noises like dogs do or your child singing songs at the top of their lungs with the most proud standing body position with all the theatrical arm movements and twirls...THAT is mudita. THAT feeling you get from being so immersed into the moment truly absorbing what the other is feeling. I am sure we have all experienced something like this. Perhaps it wasn't our child or pet animal...maybe it was a movie, something fictional perhaps?

You see, Mudita more than anything is an experience of being so fully present in what you are observing that you remove your own obstacles that prevent you from feeling the richness and fullness of life. Yes, we can fully observe horrible things and is that still considered Mudita? I'd like to think not but this is only me interpretation of it. 

For integration sakes, how can we begin a practice of Muita? It all starts with observing. Spend time to just literally look at things, people, without judgment. Be as indifferent about the moment as possible, no thoughts on it one way or the other. Remove your ego and simply be with what is and if what you are watching is something generally positive or neutral, discovering joy in it becomes inevitable. 

My personal Mudita practice - watch wildlife, even the smallest of creatures

I LOVE rollie pollies, love them. They bring me so much joy. My Mudita practice becomes full fledged when I see a rollie pollie, I have created the association with joy and rollie pollies. It all started one day just purely observing them. If you watch a rollie pollie, there is nothing overtly fascinting about them and this is where Mudita gets interesting for me...remember how I said earlier that Mudita is a practice for positive or neutral experiences, well, watching rollie pollies would be considered neutral. Even in such, just by way of being fully immersed into their beingness, brings me deeper into my own where the greatest joy imaginable resides.

Let me know in the comments how you plan on approaching your Mudita practice :)

Ability to be resilient

 We (western culture folks) live in a society that pressures us to perform, to get 1% better each day, to always be focused on growth, and the list goes on with trying to improve or demand more of yourself...It is toxic and when days aren't like what society is trying to prescribe to us, we feel awful. And when we feel awful, we make poor decisions, and in turn those poor decisions continue to make us feel awful and the cycle repeats itself till it becomes a habit for some. Not everyday is going to be excellent and nor should it. You need to have days where you feel awful because on the other side of that is the greatest joy imaginable. 

One of the greatest traits we can cultivate is the ability to be resilient.

Yes, not everyday is going to be great. As I am writing to you now, I am in a poor mood. My energy is low, I feel antisocial, tunnel visioned, the list goes on. My ability to be resilient in moments like these comes from an outlet I have come to realize is beneficial for my mental health which is writing or blogging in this case. I have journals upon journals of thoughts about what I am feeling. Maybe this is an outlet you can try? Maybe it is going for a run? Reading a book? Talking to a friend?

You see, part of being resilient is having outlets. If we keep everything inside of us, our capacity to be resilient is stretched. We need space within us in order to navigate life's choppy water's without sinking the ship.

Even as I write this, I am not feeling much better. And that's okay. I do not write to 100% of the time switch my states of being, I write because it allows me to see what I am feeling. It allows me to see from a different vantage point and from there, perspective emerges, and my state begins its dance with resilience.

Life is just is, enjoy the downs and the ups. Find a way to see it differently. Don't push. Don't expect. Get back to being. Find your breath...inhale...exhale...center

The fuel in your tank

 Think of yourself as a car. Your engine gets filled up with gas, right? And without this gas, your car does not move. Gas is important. In this metaphor, I will explain the types of gas needed to keep your car from breaking down and getting the most miles per gallon! We all want efficiency, right? Let us drive in…I mean dive in...

Sleep (50%)

Your tank does not begin to fill up first thing in the morning, quite the contrary actually. Your tank gets about 50% filled up the night prior while you sleep. This input of gas is by an large one of the most important. There are numerous studies, articles, etc, explaining the importance of adequate sleep. For mostly everyone, getting 8 hours can do you immense favors regarding your energy output in a given day. Have you ever had a rough night of sleep? I have! I wake up feeling groggy, tired, irritated, low energy through the day, poor appetite, poor choice making, the list goes on. If you struggle with any of what I just mentioned, take a look at your sleep patterns. No matter how you get it, 8 hours is paramount. I personally like 9pm-5am. Everything you experience the moment you wake up rides on the degree of sleep you had.

Engine is filled 50%, lets wake up and start the day!

If you wake up and the first thing you do is check social media, do you think that creates energy or uses energy? You might get a dopamine hit but this is not the kind of dopamine hit you want to start your morning. A friend of mine once said, “I create before I consume”. This one hit me and I immediately integrated it into my life. Upon waking up, the first thing I do besides turn my alarm off is transition onto my yoga mat where I begin a Sadhana (practice) that embodies pranayamas, kriyas, and mantras. 

Create before you consume (10%)

As just mentioned, one of the best things you can do to start your day is be with yourself. No phone, no book, no music, nothing. Keep it raw, keep it aligned with creation. If you don’t write first thing in the morning, start taking up a writing practice. It can be simple, if you are religious, write down your prayers or if you’re not religious, write about something you are grateful for. No matter, create before you consume is of paramount importance. This is your next 10%. Time to create has no time. Just make sure it is the first thing you do and ideally don’t jump to consumption right after…give yourself some transition time to still relish in your newly created state of being.

Nutrition (25%)

Some would say this might be the most substantial of all the types of “gas” you can put in your car. To some degree, yes, it is probably the most important other than sleep. What we put into our bodies is essential into determining our energy levels in and through the day. For most of us, if privileged enough, do not have to worry so much about where our next meal will be coming from but rather, where will we go to get our next meal. Is it Chick-fil-A? McDonalds? Mad greens? The list goes on. Interestingly enough, the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey discovered that about 85 million Americans consumed fast food in the last 24 hours. Now as it aggregates even further is unclear but folks this is upwards of 35% of Americans are eating fast food at least once per day and average about 3x a week. When you look at the current health of our nation and its inhabitants, much of the disease can be attributed to poor nutritional choices. For some, these choices are deeply influenced through white supremacist policies (thats for another time). Nonetheless, for those in decent socioeconomic conditions, the choice for healthy foods becomes more of a matter of bad habits rather than poor economic conditions influencing your nutritional choices. All this to say, what we put in our body matters. We are as connected as ever to information and much of it is helpful. Here is a simple guideline for keeping your nutritional gas tank operating at its max (this is not for everyone and I am not a dietician so please consulted your doctor before doing any of what I am about to mention)

Eat more: Veggies, fruits (skin on as much as possible), whole grains, nuts, seeds, beans, salmon, and chicken.

Eat less: processed foods (anything that has ADDED SUGARS), reduce your alcohol consumption, red meats like pork, beef, etc, trans fatty foods 

Community (10%)

This aspect of adding fuel to your tank is a new one for me but one that I think carries a lot of value and for many of us don’t see truly how integral it is into our overall state of wellbeing. Being around and connected to people is important, critically important at that. Some may be more extroverted or introverted and I get that and I also think we should dose ourselves accordingly and in ways that work for us. I am not saying we just need to go stand and be around random people. I am saying we need to be actively finding folks to vibe with, that share common interests, that can share thoughts with you about life. Being part of something is an incredible feeling, be it a fitness studio, art class, improv group, or rec sports, the list is numerous! Spending time with people who fill your cup will give you the “gas” needed throughout the day. Be aware though because sometimes the community you are in is taking more “gas” than it is giving. Pay attention to this and make the necessary changes.

Positive self talk (5%)

Last but certainly not least (well kind of percentage speaking) is positive self talk. As we are all aware, there is this voice in our head that tells us certain things; some good, some bad, some sad, some happy, yadda yadda yadda. For some it never shuts up, for others it may be really hurtful, and for some it may be well trained and better cared for. Every single one of us has a capacity to be positive. Let me say that again, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS THE CAPACITY TO BE POSITIVE. As a recovering positivist, I see that this type of thinking in excess and inauthentically can be toxic. Notice how this percentage is the lowest? That is intentional because a little positive self talk can go a lonnnngggg way! There are so many positive things you can say to yourself and this is where I would start… Anytime you are doing something, completing a task for instance such as putting the dishes away, within yourself congratulate yourself for making your life easier, thank yourself for taking time to do that and not procrastinate to however you want to frame it. Does that make sense? Gratitude and positivity are in the same sphere in my mind so if adding in gratitude to your inner narrative feels better, go with that rather than positive self talk…let us call it…gratitude attitude

You are doing great.

True Self Integration pt1

 What does “True Self” even mean? Why does it matter? How do I know if I am being my True Self?

These are all valid questions and I hope to provide some clarity on each one. Note, I am only explaining from my vantage point and like yours, it is vastly different. Please take what works and discard what doesn’t. Do not take what I say 100%, break it down, try it on, see if it fits, and assemble accordingly thereafter.

What does “True Self” even mean? 

I have come to learn that our True Self is beyond the mind. Hav you ever noticed that there is a speaker and a simultaneous listener within you? How is it that you speak to yourself inwardly and also listen to what you’re saying at the same time? What allows us to do this? Consciousness and awareness. These two aspects of Self are what help create our “True Self”. From the moment we are born, our self, or our image as we come to see it is influenced heavily by the environment we live within. We are told to do certain things or not according to our initially perceived sex/gender. The list goes on. What happens is we forget our essence. We are equipped with these ideas of who we are, how we should act, etc. As a child, and if you have ever seen a child, they are living the True Self! There is no judgement, only allowance. As we age, this shifts. We become more aware and this awareness opens us up to a greater degree of critique and without proper guidance, this can take over and pull us even further away from our truth and into what society wants us to believe, be, and do. In conclusion, our True Self is the self that transcends all societal ideologies. It is the unattached experience of life. We are inevitably part of the system we operate within and through being unattached, we can shift from a self that was created for us, to our True Self.

Why does it matter?

Think about it…are you currently experiencing some disconnect in your life? Do you feel suffocated? Tired of what you are doing? Run down? Confused? Irritated? The list goes on. I know I have! I still have days where I feel all these emotions and experiences. Moving into your True Self frees us from the bondage of life which as mentioned earlier causes us a great deal of suffering. We are so connected to these constructs that we forget we are beyond that! Yes, we are part of them but we are not them…does that make sense? Becoming or rather rebecoming our True Self is of paramount importance. Life becomes enriched when we move away from the small self and move into our big Self. Ego and Soul if you will. Both are important and we tend to live in one extreme or the other. Ego is important for identity sakes and Soul reminds us that we are not just this brain and body. We are the infiniteness of the Universe. The silence and stillness within every exploding star. We are part of that! We are also thinkers and feelers. Your True Self matters because without it, we may feel lost, confused, frustrated, angry. It is okay to experience this and even when we connect deeper to our True Self, these feelings will still emerge; we will just be able to navigate them in a more aware and conscious state.

How do I know I am being my True Self?

Short answer, no one will be able to tell you expect you. I will share how I know and maybe there are some things within my story that equip you with an awareness to help realize your True Self. Life is varying, constantly in flux and we must remember that being your True Self also means experiencing the ego. Just because we are in a more ego dominant state does not mean we also are not our True Self. Both exist just like how the YING YANG has both light in darkness and darkness in light; so are we with ego and our True Self. For me, I know I am being more of my True Self when I don’t feel as influenced or moved by the external world. I have a deeper state of awareness around what is happening and how it is affecting me and most importantly taking correct right action. When I am acting more in accordance with what I say, this is an indicator for me that I am living in more of my True Self.

Everything is just the way it needs to be, remember that! Don’t be hard on yourself. Being easy on yourself is an act of the True Self. Allow yourself to feel all the things. Become keenly aware of what it is that is affecting you, how it is making you feel, and what you can do about it in that moment to potentially shift it. Maybe whatever you’re feeling is something that needs to be shifted but rather caressed, hugged, and nurtured. Maybe it is the pain of losing a loved one…who knows. Awareness helps in this journey. May you all continue to connect deeper to your True Self’s.

True Self Integration (introduction)

 Listen up you amazing person you! There is only one of you and will only BE one of you in our ENTIRE existence. If you don't think you are destined for greatness, I am here to tell you, you are. Greatness is not found in what you DO, it is found in who you ARE. Society has conditioned all of us to DO DO DO and DO MORE and DO BETTER. What you are doing for a job has very little to do with who you are as a person and yet we are so focused on our professional lives and neglect our personal lives. It is this toxic cycle of doing because they want us to forget and move away from our beingness...it is easier to control a person when they are not in touch with themselves. I don't have the answers and I am not perfect. 

Currently I am back in the practice of BEING and it feels amazing. Life is more joyous and the mirror is being dusted off so I can see more of my true self.

You can do the same! I am here as a guide, a friend, a sounding board, a neighbor. As Ram Dass brilliantly said, "we are all just walking each other home".

I don't know what this looks like for you and I don't have the answer. What I can do is share some of my story and insights with you and maybe, just maybe, something will resonate to make a shift in your life.

This is your call to True Self Integration. If not now, when?