Intentional attention

We hear phrases like, "pay attention" or "may I have your attention", and many of us are in institutions that demand our attention even if we truly do not want to give it and for some, we don't give our attention to what we don't enjoy or love. Granted, giving our attention to things that we may not like or enjoy is important.

Attention is a commodity, it is our most valuable currency as we saw in the above paragraph with words like "pay" and "have". I heard that energy is our most valuable currency and I agree. I also think energy is too ambiguous and everything embodies some form of energy. Therefore, I am coming to learn that attention is by and large one of the most valuable energies we are able to emit and control in this life.

Think about how valuable our attention is...companies are working tooth and nail to capture our attention. Marketing is essentially just that, an attention grabbing entity. We are constantly bombarded with billboards, eye catching colored logos, commercials, social media, and even our phones for a few examples. 

Where our attention goes, energy will flow. 

This can be as simple as grabbing our attention and then we follow it up by purchasing something. I have done this more times than I would like to admit and I have done it on a very unconscious level, without much thought, just pure impulse because of how it is capturing my attention. I think, "wow, this is so cool!" and my attention is immediately and fully given to that thing.

The amazing thing is, we can give our attention to anything! Most of the time we are giving our attention to multiple things, jumping from here to there, it is a no wonder we may feel overwhelmed or unproductive. I am not saying we need to be more productive in the sense of accomplishing more, on the contrary actually. Being more productive with our attention means to allocate our attention to one thing at a time. If we are working on a blog post for instance and every 5 minutes I stop to check Instagram, my attention is working at a lesser capacity than if I were to simply focus all my energy and attention on writing a blog post. This applies across all areas of your life, paying attention to your spouse, kids, and so on. 

If you are going to be there, BE THERE. I am glad you are here :) and BEING here.

Jace

We GROW through what we GO through

 Everything you have gone through in life, the good, the bad, ugly and sad, triumphant, heart felt, and more has turned you into the person you are. You GREW through what you went through. And maybe you are still going through it, maybe you are in the thick of it now and you feel there is no end in sight. My reminder to you is this...keep going. Persistence with the right intellect gets anyone through what they are going through.

We go through things every single day...so are we constantly growing? Simple answer, yes we are. How we grow is a different story. If we are unaware of what is happening in and through the day, our growth is suppressed. GROWTH is a choice. CHANGE is a constant and each moment we are changing. Along the way, we have to make the right effort in order to grow.

Think of growth in terms of a seed becoming a tree. Planting a seed in the ground is generally not enough to ensure it will grow. Other practices include, ensuring good soil, watering it, and so forth. Seeds are being planted all the time in our lives and tending to the garden seems difficult at times and it is important that we have to make the right effort. Through making the right effort, we have a greater chance of that seedling growing into its full potential and more! GROWTH starts with making the right effort

What is the right effort?

Right effort according to Buddha is "to exert oneself to develop wholesome qualities and release unwholesome qualities". Back to the seedling metaphor; around the seedling will inevitably be weeds and they will compete with your seedling for nutrients and your seedling will not grow as well as it could if you were to not pull the weeds around it. Similar concept here for personal growth. In each experience, you will not be perfect. You will have wholesome qualities and unwholesome qualities threaded into the experience. The right effort here is to assess the situation, reflect and uncover what worked and what didn't, what felt right and what didn't.

Practice:

Think back to a time where you went through something uncomfortable, challenging, or whatever it may be that felt like a difficult experience. Heck, it could be that one time you spoke in front of 100 people about a project you were working on. Think about what you learned from that experience and take some time to write out the exact moment, how you felt leading up to it and during, and then write about how you felt at the end and further, what lessons were learned throughout the entire process. Lessons aren't just learned after the experience is done; no no, lessons are threaded from start to finish. Take a look back and analyze this experience for you and see if what you learned is still with you today and how it may be affecting how you interact with the world currently.

Self reflection is an incredible tool for life and the more time we spend understanding our own past and the lessons we have learned along the way and how in turn, we live out our days in accordance to that, it just might create a little more consciousness and awareness in our lives which is essential in living a happy and fulfilled life.

Peace be the journey,

Jace

Look where you want to go, not what you are trying to avoid

 I heard this phrase on an NPR segment this morning and it has stuck in my mind ever since. In deeper contemplation, I remember my drivers ed teacher explaining how to avoid items that might be on the road. He said something similar, "if you look at what you don't want to hit, you are going to hit it but if you look to the area around the object, you will miss it." In essence, where you look is where you are going to go.

Where you look can also be reframed as, "what you focus on". This becomes apparent in the thoughts we experience. If we are constantly focused on the negative, more negative will emerge, and vice versa. As we move through this life, we learn what we want to be more and less of. More patient, less impatient. The thing is, if I say, "I want to be less impatient", this insinuates that I want to be more patient. What if instead, we reframed this as, "I want to be more patient". Both are positive and yet, one carries more weight to it. Just say those two to yourself and feel which one resonates deeper.

When avoiding certain thoughts or ways of being, we are focused on what we don't want to be or do rather than directing our attention to what we want to be and do. It is amazing the power of reframing our thoughts.

If you catch yourself thinking about the things you don't want to do or be, try flipping the script, reveal the opposite and frame your thoughts in what you do want to be and do.

Examples:

"I do not want to be negative anymore" REFRAME "I am working on being more positive"

"I wish I weren't so impatient" REFRAME "I am working on becoming more patient"

One thing to note here is that our reframe also requires an addition of 4 words...

1. I

2. AM

3. WORKING

4. ON

Instead of using words like, "I wish I were" or "I want to be", speak in terms of IMMEDIATE ACTION. The words, "I am working on" are obvious, your mind is in the mode of working on whatever proceeds that statement and you will start to act in accordance to such.

Happy reframing my friends :)

WHAT you are is not WHO you are

 Ozan Varol said, "we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

Let that sink for a moment and even re-read it a few times.

I guess the questions I have are, WHAT are we? How does this WHAT thread itself into how we perceive the world around us? Why is it important to realize WHAT we are is not WHO we are.

The world around us is seen through the lens of our experiences. “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are”. If we were in a distrusting relationship, we may perceive other partners as distrusting. If we had a bad encounter with a dog, we might think all dogs are bad and live in accordance with this and buy a cat instead. You see, our experiences determine how we perceive life and act in an autopilot way. If we were to take control of our life and explore why we are perceiving things the way we are, we open ourselves up to experience more of what we are…conscious awareness. These experiences are just that, experiences, we are not an experience, we are not even the culmination of our experiences as some mainstream philosophers argue; we are beyond all form and time. It is hard to grasp, I understand. It is also uneasy to contemplate that we are not all the things we have self proclaimed.

The thing to remember here is that life is a dance. We are meant to dance with our personality, not be like a clingy partner. The same is true for what we do in life! Our work is merely an extension of consciousness and what we do is not who we are. It is what we do, obviously. 

Living detached from all we have thought to be true about ourselves frees us from the bondage of being attached. Our ego cannot live if it has no identity to hold onto. Having an identity is fun! It’s like the Soul gets a chance to try on this fun outfit and we can always change it up.

Shifting gears…

If someone were to ask you, "what are you", it might take you some time to consider that answer because usually it is framed as, "who are you?" which then is followed up by us describing ourselves in the context of "what" we are through adjectives, verbs, and even nouns. 

Exercise: write out two lists, one answering the question, "who are you" and the other, "what are you?". If there is overlap, thats okay. See what overlapped and then create a list based off that data.

Dissemination of data: When you see what has overlapped, take a look at it and then wean out emotions such as, positive, happy, sad, angry, etc. After removing that, remove anything related to your work, i.e., I am an engineer. Then remove anything related to family, i.e., I am an older sibling. Then remove personal characteristics like how old or tall you are, etc. See what is left. If anything is left, view it critically. Is that really who you are or is it more of a temporary experience or something that you constructed as part of your identity?

You see, we are beyond all form, we are not what we do, we are not the labels that have been put on us, we are not our emotions. We are the silent observer within. We are the listener. We are pure consciousness embodying this physical vessel to experience personality, identity, and action. Remember, we are not THAT, we are the EXPERIENCER of that.

Looking on the bright side

 If we have a choice of where we can look, why not look on the bright side?

This question was pressed to my hear today as I was reckoning with some current stressors. It was a stout reminder than yes, we do have a choice, and it is not always readily available but it is there once you make it through the muck and mire. 

Looking on the bright side isn't about denying the dark side, on the contrary actually. Looking on the bright side is a simple reminder that in whatever we are going through, lets for the sake of conversation say it is "bad", within that, "good" also exists and sometimes we can get a taste of it which helps rebalance the scales. The goal is to not always look on the bright side, rather, look at both sides honestly and with courage. When we can sit in the darkness of our thoughts and critically but lovingly analyze, we slowly start to gain perspective and see what good is available on the other side. After this reckoning, we come back to neutrality.

This statement makes one thing clear to me and it poses a follow up question once we choose to look on the bright side which is, "what good is to come from this?" Asking such a question immediately makes perspective inevitable which is obviously valuable in helping us move forward, correct our intellect, and act in a different more generally good way. Depending on the situation, asking "what good is to come from this", may seem ridiculous or hard to even imagine such as loosing a loved one...nothing good really comes from that, at least initially. For some, after loosing a loved one, they use that for good and start changing their own lifestyle behaviors or being kinder to the natural world, all these outcomes are possible and occur all the time! This all simply is a matter of cultivating the ability to live in the darkness and light at the same time.

Wherever you are, whatever you are feeling, keep going, stay courageous and persistent through the process of deepening your understanding of what is and what good can come from it.

No one can do you better than you

 From the moment we are born, we are told what to do, how to behave, how to think, what to think, what to feel, how to feel or not feel, and copious amounts of other behaviors. How much of this is really you? What if you unlearned everything you learned, what would be left? Hard to imagine, right?

Imagine it like this, from the moment you were born, it was just you and the natural world and you grew up with no one to talk to, no one that could influence you. Who would you be? You see, so much of what we are has been constructed and what is constructed can also be deconstructed.

Throughout life, we will try to mimic the personality of our surroundings. Generally speaking, if a household for instance is joyful then it is safe to say that those in it will more than likely be a joyful person compared to someone in a household of abuse for example. This isn’t to say that the opposite isn’t true because it is. Throughout history there have been incredible accounts of people being in the most tumultuous situations and still somehow making the best of it.

What I am getting at here is that there is only one of you, only one of your stories, and it is by and large a miracle you are even here! 3 trillion to 1 are the odds of having a life…YOU ARE A MIRACLE and one that is so unique. Along the way, this uniqueness gets shut down, we are forced to walk a certain line in society, be and act certain ways, and all this takes away the purity of our spirits and we end up being a way we don’t like or taking jobs that we hate.

No matter what, there is only one of you and yes, we are bound to this world and its rules and regulations. We are also boundless beings who can transcend our experiences of these perceived bondages. 

No one can do you better than you. Stop trying to be someone you aren’t. Give yourself the space and grace to reveal who you are. Quit trying to force yourself into a circle when you are a square. Spend time to get to know you! There is only one of you and only this life. Lets get to know ourselves better so we can continue to authentically and radically show up for all those in this life.

Mudita (finding joy in others joy)

There is a Buddhist principle called, Mudita that has profoundly changed my life and I feel it can impact yours in a similar way. Mudita is accessible to us all, only if we are open to it, open in ourselves, and willing to absorb and be moved by the magnificence of life unfolding itself in every single moment, every single way imaginable.

Mudita is defined differently and in its essence, Mudita defined by other articles is "taking joy in the joy of others" or "feeling joy in the good fortune of others". Simply put, by way of observing the natural world with a righteously open and radiant heart, seeing the others experience of joy will in turn fill us up with joy.

Here is an easy example, especially for my parents out there (animal parents, this applies to you too)...

Have you ever been in a moment with your kids or animals where you are simply soaking in what they are doing? That sort of experience where you are fully immersed into watching them do whatever they are doing? And in that moment what you are watching is them experiencing joy, be it rolling around all cute making silly noises like dogs do or your child singing songs at the top of their lungs with the most proud standing body position with all the theatrical arm movements and twirls...THAT is mudita. THAT feeling you get from being so immersed into the moment truly absorbing what the other is feeling. I am sure we have all experienced something like this. Perhaps it wasn't our child or pet animal...maybe it was a movie, something fictional perhaps?

You see, Mudita more than anything is an experience of being so fully present in what you are observing that you remove your own obstacles that prevent you from feeling the richness and fullness of life. Yes, we can fully observe horrible things and is that still considered Mudita? I'd like to think not but this is only me interpretation of it. 

For integration sakes, how can we begin a practice of Muita? It all starts with observing. Spend time to just literally look at things, people, without judgment. Be as indifferent about the moment as possible, no thoughts on it one way or the other. Remove your ego and simply be with what is and if what you are watching is something generally positive or neutral, discovering joy in it becomes inevitable. 

My personal Mudita practice - watch wildlife, even the smallest of creatures

I LOVE rollie pollies, love them. They bring me so much joy. My Mudita practice becomes full fledged when I see a rollie pollie, I have created the association with joy and rollie pollies. It all started one day just purely observing them. If you watch a rollie pollie, there is nothing overtly fascinting about them and this is where Mudita gets interesting for me...remember how I said earlier that Mudita is a practice for positive or neutral experiences, well, watching rollie pollies would be considered neutral. Even in such, just by way of being fully immersed into their beingness, brings me deeper into my own where the greatest joy imaginable resides.

Let me know in the comments how you plan on approaching your Mudita practice :)

Ability to be resilient

 We (western culture folks) live in a society that pressures us to perform, to get 1% better each day, to always be focused on growth, and the list goes on with trying to improve or demand more of yourself...It is toxic and when days aren't like what society is trying to prescribe to us, we feel awful. And when we feel awful, we make poor decisions, and in turn those poor decisions continue to make us feel awful and the cycle repeats itself till it becomes a habit for some. Not everyday is going to be excellent and nor should it. You need to have days where you feel awful because on the other side of that is the greatest joy imaginable. 

One of the greatest traits we can cultivate is the ability to be resilient.

Yes, not everyday is going to be great. As I am writing to you now, I am in a poor mood. My energy is low, I feel antisocial, tunnel visioned, the list goes on. My ability to be resilient in moments like these comes from an outlet I have come to realize is beneficial for my mental health which is writing or blogging in this case. I have journals upon journals of thoughts about what I am feeling. Maybe this is an outlet you can try? Maybe it is going for a run? Reading a book? Talking to a friend?

You see, part of being resilient is having outlets. If we keep everything inside of us, our capacity to be resilient is stretched. We need space within us in order to navigate life's choppy water's without sinking the ship.

Even as I write this, I am not feeling much better. And that's okay. I do not write to 100% of the time switch my states of being, I write because it allows me to see what I am feeling. It allows me to see from a different vantage point and from there, perspective emerges, and my state begins its dance with resilience.

Life is just is, enjoy the downs and the ups. Find a way to see it differently. Don't push. Don't expect. Get back to being. Find your breath...inhale...exhale...center

The fuel in your tank

 Think of yourself as a car. Your engine gets filled up with gas, right? And without this gas, your car does not move. Gas is important. In this metaphor, I will explain the types of gas needed to keep your car from breaking down and getting the most miles per gallon! We all want efficiency, right? Let us drive in…I mean dive in...

Sleep (50%)

Your tank does not begin to fill up first thing in the morning, quite the contrary actually. Your tank gets about 50% filled up the night prior while you sleep. This input of gas is by an large one of the most important. There are numerous studies, articles, etc, explaining the importance of adequate sleep. For mostly everyone, getting 8 hours can do you immense favors regarding your energy output in a given day. Have you ever had a rough night of sleep? I have! I wake up feeling groggy, tired, irritated, low energy through the day, poor appetite, poor choice making, the list goes on. If you struggle with any of what I just mentioned, take a look at your sleep patterns. No matter how you get it, 8 hours is paramount. I personally like 9pm-5am. Everything you experience the moment you wake up rides on the degree of sleep you had.

Engine is filled 50%, lets wake up and start the day!

If you wake up and the first thing you do is check social media, do you think that creates energy or uses energy? You might get a dopamine hit but this is not the kind of dopamine hit you want to start your morning. A friend of mine once said, “I create before I consume”. This one hit me and I immediately integrated it into my life. Upon waking up, the first thing I do besides turn my alarm off is transition onto my yoga mat where I begin a Sadhana (practice) that embodies pranayamas, kriyas, and mantras. 

Create before you consume (10%)

As just mentioned, one of the best things you can do to start your day is be with yourself. No phone, no book, no music, nothing. Keep it raw, keep it aligned with creation. If you don’t write first thing in the morning, start taking up a writing practice. It can be simple, if you are religious, write down your prayers or if you’re not religious, write about something you are grateful for. No matter, create before you consume is of paramount importance. This is your next 10%. Time to create has no time. Just make sure it is the first thing you do and ideally don’t jump to consumption right after…give yourself some transition time to still relish in your newly created state of being.

Nutrition (25%)

Some would say this might be the most substantial of all the types of “gas” you can put in your car. To some degree, yes, it is probably the most important other than sleep. What we put into our bodies is essential into determining our energy levels in and through the day. For most of us, if privileged enough, do not have to worry so much about where our next meal will be coming from but rather, where will we go to get our next meal. Is it Chick-fil-A? McDonalds? Mad greens? The list goes on. Interestingly enough, the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey discovered that about 85 million Americans consumed fast food in the last 24 hours. Now as it aggregates even further is unclear but folks this is upwards of 35% of Americans are eating fast food at least once per day and average about 3x a week. When you look at the current health of our nation and its inhabitants, much of the disease can be attributed to poor nutritional choices. For some, these choices are deeply influenced through white supremacist policies (thats for another time). Nonetheless, for those in decent socioeconomic conditions, the choice for healthy foods becomes more of a matter of bad habits rather than poor economic conditions influencing your nutritional choices. All this to say, what we put in our body matters. We are as connected as ever to information and much of it is helpful. Here is a simple guideline for keeping your nutritional gas tank operating at its max (this is not for everyone and I am not a dietician so please consulted your doctor before doing any of what I am about to mention)

Eat more: Veggies, fruits (skin on as much as possible), whole grains, nuts, seeds, beans, salmon, and chicken.

Eat less: processed foods (anything that has ADDED SUGARS), reduce your alcohol consumption, red meats like pork, beef, etc, trans fatty foods 

Community (10%)

This aspect of adding fuel to your tank is a new one for me but one that I think carries a lot of value and for many of us don’t see truly how integral it is into our overall state of wellbeing. Being around and connected to people is important, critically important at that. Some may be more extroverted or introverted and I get that and I also think we should dose ourselves accordingly and in ways that work for us. I am not saying we just need to go stand and be around random people. I am saying we need to be actively finding folks to vibe with, that share common interests, that can share thoughts with you about life. Being part of something is an incredible feeling, be it a fitness studio, art class, improv group, or rec sports, the list is numerous! Spending time with people who fill your cup will give you the “gas” needed throughout the day. Be aware though because sometimes the community you are in is taking more “gas” than it is giving. Pay attention to this and make the necessary changes.

Positive self talk (5%)

Last but certainly not least (well kind of percentage speaking) is positive self talk. As we are all aware, there is this voice in our head that tells us certain things; some good, some bad, some sad, some happy, yadda yadda yadda. For some it never shuts up, for others it may be really hurtful, and for some it may be well trained and better cared for. Every single one of us has a capacity to be positive. Let me say that again, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS THE CAPACITY TO BE POSITIVE. As a recovering positivist, I see that this type of thinking in excess and inauthentically can be toxic. Notice how this percentage is the lowest? That is intentional because a little positive self talk can go a lonnnngggg way! There are so many positive things you can say to yourself and this is where I would start… Anytime you are doing something, completing a task for instance such as putting the dishes away, within yourself congratulate yourself for making your life easier, thank yourself for taking time to do that and not procrastinate to however you want to frame it. Does that make sense? Gratitude and positivity are in the same sphere in my mind so if adding in gratitude to your inner narrative feels better, go with that rather than positive self talk…let us call it…gratitude attitude

You are doing great.

True Self Integration pt1

 What does “True Self” even mean? Why does it matter? How do I know if I am being my True Self?

These are all valid questions and I hope to provide some clarity on each one. Note, I am only explaining from my vantage point and like yours, it is vastly different. Please take what works and discard what doesn’t. Do not take what I say 100%, break it down, try it on, see if it fits, and assemble accordingly thereafter.

What does “True Self” even mean? 

I have come to learn that our True Self is beyond the mind. Hav you ever noticed that there is a speaker and a simultaneous listener within you? How is it that you speak to yourself inwardly and also listen to what you’re saying at the same time? What allows us to do this? Consciousness and awareness. These two aspects of Self are what help create our “True Self”. From the moment we are born, our self, or our image as we come to see it is influenced heavily by the environment we live within. We are told to do certain things or not according to our initially perceived sex/gender. The list goes on. What happens is we forget our essence. We are equipped with these ideas of who we are, how we should act, etc. As a child, and if you have ever seen a child, they are living the True Self! There is no judgement, only allowance. As we age, this shifts. We become more aware and this awareness opens us up to a greater degree of critique and without proper guidance, this can take over and pull us even further away from our truth and into what society wants us to believe, be, and do. In conclusion, our True Self is the self that transcends all societal ideologies. It is the unattached experience of life. We are inevitably part of the system we operate within and through being unattached, we can shift from a self that was created for us, to our True Self.

Why does it matter?

Think about it…are you currently experiencing some disconnect in your life? Do you feel suffocated? Tired of what you are doing? Run down? Confused? Irritated? The list goes on. I know I have! I still have days where I feel all these emotions and experiences. Moving into your True Self frees us from the bondage of life which as mentioned earlier causes us a great deal of suffering. We are so connected to these constructs that we forget we are beyond that! Yes, we are part of them but we are not them…does that make sense? Becoming or rather rebecoming our True Self is of paramount importance. Life becomes enriched when we move away from the small self and move into our big Self. Ego and Soul if you will. Both are important and we tend to live in one extreme or the other. Ego is important for identity sakes and Soul reminds us that we are not just this brain and body. We are the infiniteness of the Universe. The silence and stillness within every exploding star. We are part of that! We are also thinkers and feelers. Your True Self matters because without it, we may feel lost, confused, frustrated, angry. It is okay to experience this and even when we connect deeper to our True Self, these feelings will still emerge; we will just be able to navigate them in a more aware and conscious state.

How do I know I am being my True Self?

Short answer, no one will be able to tell you expect you. I will share how I know and maybe there are some things within my story that equip you with an awareness to help realize your True Self. Life is varying, constantly in flux and we must remember that being your True Self also means experiencing the ego. Just because we are in a more ego dominant state does not mean we also are not our True Self. Both exist just like how the YING YANG has both light in darkness and darkness in light; so are we with ego and our True Self. For me, I know I am being more of my True Self when I don’t feel as influenced or moved by the external world. I have a deeper state of awareness around what is happening and how it is affecting me and most importantly taking correct right action. When I am acting more in accordance with what I say, this is an indicator for me that I am living in more of my True Self.

Everything is just the way it needs to be, remember that! Don’t be hard on yourself. Being easy on yourself is an act of the True Self. Allow yourself to feel all the things. Become keenly aware of what it is that is affecting you, how it is making you feel, and what you can do about it in that moment to potentially shift it. Maybe whatever you’re feeling is something that needs to be shifted but rather caressed, hugged, and nurtured. Maybe it is the pain of losing a loved one…who knows. Awareness helps in this journey. May you all continue to connect deeper to your True Self’s.

True Self Integration (introduction)

 Listen up you amazing person you! There is only one of you and will only BE one of you in our ENTIRE existence. If you don't think you are destined for greatness, I am here to tell you, you are. Greatness is not found in what you DO, it is found in who you ARE. Society has conditioned all of us to DO DO DO and DO MORE and DO BETTER. What you are doing for a job has very little to do with who you are as a person and yet we are so focused on our professional lives and neglect our personal lives. It is this toxic cycle of doing because they want us to forget and move away from our beingness...it is easier to control a person when they are not in touch with themselves. I don't have the answers and I am not perfect. 

Currently I am back in the practice of BEING and it feels amazing. Life is more joyous and the mirror is being dusted off so I can see more of my true self.

You can do the same! I am here as a guide, a friend, a sounding board, a neighbor. As Ram Dass brilliantly said, "we are all just walking each other home".

I don't know what this looks like for you and I don't have the answer. What I can do is share some of my story and insights with you and maybe, just maybe, something will resonate to make a shift in your life.

This is your call to True Self Integration. If not now, when?

It's hard

This thing called life, ya, its hard.

We are constantly becoming and unbecoming in this state of metamorphosis.

I want to scream sometimes.

Other times I want to cry and hug someone so tight.

It is the ups and the downs they say,

That make this world go round.

I have learned not to hate but it doesn't mean I sometimes don't feel it,

I just don't carry it too long.

Anger is new.

I struggle with finding what is true.

So much of this or that,

we forget it is this

AND

that.

Confusion is the new, new.

That I know to be true.

What are we supposed to do?

Does anyone know?

Schools of thought say be christ-like

others say have multiple wives and you shall reach the kingdom of heaven.

Is true the puzzle piece that fits?

Some have a fucked up puzzle if that is it...

I desire peace and love.

We are it,

we have it in our hearts,

some forget because they live from their heads.

I once heard the journey is to mend the head and the heart.

I like that.

It’s not about me, its about we

 Recently, I listed to a magnificent TedTalk on how to not take things personally. 

Here is the link How to not take things personally.

I struggle with taking things personally; some things more than others; from some people more than others. I also have observed that depending on the context of the situations I may be more or less stricken with the illness of taking things personally. However, taking things personally can also be seen as a medicine. 

As Frederik Imbo states in his presentation, “there are two sides to the coin” (he is a referee).

You see, Frederik sought out to become more refined in the skill of not taking things personally. 

Here is a summary of what he proposes through his work as a futbol referee and the beautifully created coin analogy.

1. It’s not about me, its about we. (Heads)

2. If it’s not about me, it may actually be about me. (Tails)

When addressing the side of the coin where its possibility is, “its not about me, its about we”, its important to realize that the person on the other side just simply wants to be right. They want their opinion to be the right one and so on. In essence, they are on their own team and in competitive format, don’t we always want our team to win? So instead of seeing our encounters as matches, even though sometimes they literally might be, we must approach such experiences with the focus on what their intention is.

As we start to condition ourselves to focus on the others intention, there is no room for us to take it personally for we are engaged in trying to see the underlying mostly unconscious intention of them wanting to be right. The WE component of this message is to account for the degree of responsibility we must take in the matter, ALWAYS.

Note, however, that “Its’ not about me, it’s about we” may not always be the case . Sometimes what others speak about us requires us to check in with ourselves and see if what they say is actually true.

There are times where during these escalated incidents emotions run high, opinions differ, etc, we have to check in with ourselves and ask a vulnerable question. “Is what this person is saying true?”

How do you measure this possible truth? How can you even begin to fathom that what this person is saying may be true about you?

Well, its not easy and nor should we just accept that whatever anyone says about us is true because imagine what that life would look like! No thanks!

Instead, we have to check in with he reality of the situation, the measurable aspects of what is being said, the objectiveness of the situation, and go from there.

Sometimes it will be our deeply conditioned insecurities that block us from seeing this truth others are speaking about us. It is these insecurities we have to become aware of. 

Dr. Wayne Dyer said it best, and I paraphrase, “when you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out; you cant squeeze an orange and expect apple juice to come out.”

What is within us will express itself outside of us when squeezed., i.e., when we are put in uncomfortable situations such as taking things personally. Be sure to always do the work within first.

This is a practice, a difficult one, but in the end one that is filled with liberation.

 

Don't yuck my yum

 "Don't yuck my yum", is a phrase that essentially reminds us of our differing opinions, likes, beliefs, etc, and to not call them wrong or distasteful. What is "yummy" to me doesn't mean you have to "yuck" it. 

Does this make sense?

Think about it this way. 

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

If I were to say, cotton candy, someone might say, "YUCK! that's disgusting, how could you even like that flavor? It is so nasty. What kind of person eats cotton candy flavored ice cream?"

Do you see how that "yuck" unfolded?

This applies to EVERYTHING

One of the greatest aspects of life are our differences. It is what helps create and expand our perspective. Imagine if we all had the same "yum". Everyone would be the same, our perspectives would be incredibly limited. What fun is that?

So instead of yucking on someones yum, understand that what is yummy for them may not be what is yummy for you and that is perfectly fine. Further, there is no need to attack the other for having a yum that doesn't align with your yum. 

Maybe instead, we can be curious...

"Why do you like cotton candy flavored ice cream?"

Through this inquisitiveness, you might discover that this person actually has an incredibly moving story where when they younger, they used to go down to the pier with their mother every weekend and walk around eating cotton candy flavored ice cream, telling silly jokes, and riding bikes into the sunset. And since then, their mother has passed on and cotton candy flavored ice cream is tied to beautiful and fond memories of their mother.

You see, we never will understand the full story if we YUCK someones YUM.

Fear, resilience, and reason

 Fear is an inescapable inevitability that we are all pressed with. No matter who you are, you have experienced fear and it has expressed itself numerous way. 

Fear is one of our core emotions. I imagine that for some emotion to be inherent in all of us, irregardless of sex, race, age, it must serve a purpose, right?

What is fears purpose? Well, I don’t really know the answer because I think there are multiple answers and ways fear expresses itself.

I have come to know fear as imagining what we think is going to happen. This is how fear has shown up in my life, especially as I have grown older.

I think when we are younger, like adolescents and younger, we don’t really have a ton of lived experience to anticipate what is going to happen. We are so spontaneous and brave that we just go for it and deal with the outcome later. Through this process, we begin to gain depth in experience which also illuminates and expands our field of fear awareness.

Take this dog metaphor for an example. Maybe when we were younger, we had an incident with a dog and got bit,, nothing too serious but it scared the hell out of us. From this experience, every dog we encounter from there forward invokes this fear within us that we might get bit again. There is some truth to this and validation, however, this is where fear can becoming debilitating and so overbearing it prevents us from ever encountering a dog ever again.

The dog in this example can be an experience of maybe getting shutdown when you asked someone out, or performing the National anthem and messing up the lyrics, or even proposing an idea to a workgroup that was laughed at.

You see, those that are resilient have a counter attack to fear. When these fear inducing experiences occur, resiliency says, “now what”.

I got shutdown when I asked that person out, “now what?” I messed up the national anthem lyrics, “now what?” My idea got shot down in the workgroup, “now what?” 

This, now what mentality is meant to keep the book open, to keep writing the story of this experience. So often when these situations happen, we close the book. We end the story. This becomes problematic.

When we can reason with these potentially fear inducing experiences of perceived failures, there is opportunity to further break down why we are feeling the way we are and what to do about it. 

In my experience, I have been known to shut down. I become quiet, reclusive, and shallow breathed. In many moments where I have failed or experienced something unfavorable, to be resilient seems like the greatest unattainable feat. This is where the “now what?” has helped me immensely. The door opens. I speak. My breath strengthens. My resilience becomes felt. Reason blossoms like a new season.

“All can become more clear when we are resilient and reason with our fear”

With love and gratitude, JB

You got this

 Here is your reminder.

You.

Got.

This.

Why do you got this? Historically speaking, you have overcame almost every moment of adversity in your life. Each heart break you became stronger. Each fall you rose back up again. Time and time again, and yet, here you are. This is your reminder. YOU GOT THIS!

Even if you are in the midst of adversity, remember, adversity has varying faces but essentially it is the same and you have been there before. It is a MOMENT of struggle. Then there will be moments filled with triumph only to sway back into struggle. Life is a pendulum and the swings are necessary. Each up leads to down and every down eventually goes up. Remember, YOU GOT THIS!

In love, Jace

Space

Think.

Feel.

Jitter.

Relish.

A process of gratitude.

When I feel the jitter of gratitude,

I want more.

Gratitude is like water.

Grab it, the form becomes formless.

Ungraspable.

By bringing two hands together,

Submerging beneath the water,

We scoop.

The mind knows its place...

Space.

E.T.H.I.T.B.P.T.T.C.H

E.verything
T.hat
H.appens
I.s
T.he
B.est
P.ossible
T.hing
T.hat
C.an
H.appen

Imagine if this phrase was part of your philosophy.  We all have a particular way we view the world.  These can be known as programs.  They are generally past experiences that have been experienced time and time again either with conscious effort or unconscious non-intentional effort.  These programs range from certain behaviors, thoughts, and responses to life.  An example is if someone were to get angry with you and you immediately said sorry.  This program is one where in the past, you might have or not have something wrong and another person told you to apologize.  Time and time again, this became your natural response to any time something bad happened that you were part of.  Another example is one I personally have witnessed within myself and am taking action to reprogram it...however, when I feel I am not naturally good at something, I tend to not pursue it, or I get aggravated with it.  I owe this to an un-intentional programming from mostly my family where they instilled in me time and time again that I was a "natural".  Therefore, it became a program of belief that I was in fact a natural.  Like any sword however, there are two sides to the same blade and this program became one that had also a negative outcome in which I still experience to this day.

You see, our programs and conditionings run DEEP, like so deep we may not even be aware of them. To make light of this, just know, we have the ability to break any program or conditioning.  Thats the exciting part!  Nonetheless, it takes awareness, ideally in the moment to recognize how you are responding to the world.  This will help shed light on the corners within us we have never explored or potentially even knew existed.

Currently, I am revisiting some material that has helped me immensely in the reconditioning of certain behaviors, thoughts, etc.  As stated above, acknowledging your programs in the moment is the most ideal place to limit its power, that is of course if this is a program you no longer want to live life from.  There are tons of positive programs out there :)  Take a moment and think about the parts of you that you enjoy and others may have brought to light for you...Through certain techniques, we can relinquish ourselves of thoughts and behaviors that do not serve us and others while also filling that space with something more favorable and optimal for life.

Again, acknowledging your program or conditioned response in the moment is most ideal but this takes loads of practice and in increased awareness.  Meditation helps with this.  However, if you are fortunate enough to have a partner who is able to call out your BS, (such as my wife) then that partner can help aid in your evolution and refinement of consciousness.  In short, spend some time thinking about how you respond to life.  Is it pessimistically?  Positively?  Selfishly? There are probably TONS of different ways you respond depending on the situation.  However, there is generally certain affirmations or philosophies we live by that encompass most of our responses and behaviors.

At the very beginning of this post, I wrote out one of my life's philosophies; Everything That Happens Is the Greatest Thing That Can Happen.  For me, it has taken some time to find a phrase that resonates with my Heart and softly resides within my mind and gently guides my response to life.  You can see that this phrase is extremely optimistic.  Thats what I have chosen.  This is the kind of energy I want to have backing my behaviors and thoughts.  It has taken time to embed this in my subconscious mind which is the autopilot of life.  We don't have to consciously act on it because through the act of conscious effort, it has become a program.  The next question is HOW do we do this.

Well, it takes time, courage, persistence, and moments of perseverance.

Generate a meditative practice.  
Discover stillness first.  
Being relaxed and soft helps in the attraction and retention of the energy you seek.  
Pick a phrase that feels good and you 100% believe in.

Example; if you feel you are a bad person, switch the narrative into "I am a good person".  Keep it simple.  Another example being, if you feel you are dismissive to your spouses feelings, say something like, "I am compassionate towards and accepting of my spouses feelings".

Depending on your situation, you can notice that the above examples are about switching and moving into the opposite of what is currently happening in your life.  Like I have said, it's best to acknowledge and refine in the moment or take time to get still and resolve it then.

Most important part is to be gentle with yourself.  We are in this together.  Comparison is the thief of joy so make sure to stay focused on your process.  We all process differently.  Discover what works best for you, find a phrase that feels GOOD, and repeat to yourself or out loud your affirmation as often as you can!

In good health, Jace

My life is up to me

We GET to live this life.  The question is, HOW are we going to live it?

There is a beautiful quote stated from the late and great Groucho Marx who was an actor and comedian in the early 1900's and he depicts "my life is up to me" in such an effortless way.

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead and tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I am going to be happy in it."  - Groucho Marx

There is a declaration within this quotation.  He astoundingly and courageous affirms that "I" not events!  You see, we become enslaved to our circumstances sometimes.  There is a powerless moment where we somewhat throw in the towel and say, there is nothing I can do about it.  But as we say this, we are giving our power away to the very thing that has no power in the first place and forget that there is something we can do about it...shift our perspective and declare a choice.

What we experience is a direct correlation to how we view it.  An easy example is 5 o'clock traffic.  For some, all hell breaks loose and its like everyone is purposefully cutting them off and whatever else you can imagine while also creating such turmoil within their own thoughts; residing in that victim state (ego).  Where in reality, this is a point of view.  For another person, sitting in 5 o'clock traffic can be an act of generosity, where they consider others merging into lanes, allowing them the space to get where they need to go.  As you see, this person has a point of view more about the whole rather than the part.  In essence, if we took a step back and looked at 5 o'clock traffic as a whole, EVERYONE is trying to get from point A to point B, some more aggressively than others but again, that potential aggressiveness is a lack of consciousness and awareness thus they carry it with them when in traffic and actions of that sate of being will follow.  As the brilliant Ram Dass said, "we are all just walking each other home".

When I say, my life is up to me, what I am really saying is that, "I get to choose how I want to view every experience because my perspective is what shapes it."  As you may see, there is an important few words within what I just said... "I get to choose" and generally speaking making a choice takes consciousness, it takes awareness, the ability to wipe your lens clear and see it for what it is...its whatever you want it to be!

Because remember, "my life is up to me"

The moment I found out

The moment I found out
was the best moment of my life so far.
Overwhelming stillness within my Soul.
I paused for a brief second
one that felt like eternity.
She cautiously and yet courageously declares.
This was the moment I found out I was going to be
a Father.