I heard this phrase on an NPR segment this morning and it has stuck in my mind ever since. In deeper contemplation, I remember my drivers ed teacher explaining how to avoid items that might be on the road. He said something similar, "if you look at what you don't want to hit, you are going to hit it but if you look to the area around the object, you will miss it." In essence, where you look is where you are going to go.
Where you look can also be reframed as, "what you focus on". This becomes apparent in the thoughts we experience. If we are constantly focused on the negative, more negative will emerge, and vice versa. As we move through this life, we learn what we want to be more and less of. More patient, less impatient. The thing is, if I say, "I want to be less impatient", this insinuates that I want to be more patient. What if instead, we reframed this as, "I want to be more patient". Both are positive and yet, one carries more weight to it. Just say those two to yourself and feel which one resonates deeper.
When avoiding certain thoughts or ways of being, we are focused on what we don't want to be or do rather than directing our attention to what we want to be and do. It is amazing the power of reframing our thoughts.
If you catch yourself thinking about the things you don't want to do or be, try flipping the script, reveal the opposite and frame your thoughts in what you do want to be and do.
Examples:
"I do not want to be negative anymore" REFRAME "I am working on being more positive"
"I wish I weren't so impatient" REFRAME "I am working on becoming more patient"
One thing to note here is that our reframe also requires an addition of 4 words...
1. I
2. AM
3. WORKING
4. ON
Instead of using words like, "I wish I were" or "I want to be", speak in terms of IMMEDIATE ACTION. The words, "I am working on" are obvious, your mind is in the mode of working on whatever proceeds that statement and you will start to act in accordance to such.
Happy reframing my friends :)